Today I woke up from a three day morphine / oxycodone bender. I’ve had a fever since Wednesday. Turns out, my naturopath’s instinct was wrong; the dull pain in my left side I’ve been living with for a month was a festering kidney infection that finally demanded proper acknowledgment. “I hear you,” I said. And then I went to the Emergency Room for a CAT SCAN and some relief.
I laid across a row of chairs with arm rests designed by meanies to prevent people in pain from laying across this row of chairs. I typed out a crazy pain-induced email to my clients. “At ER. Will be fine. Update soon. No work this week from me. Still coming to NYC next week. See you soon.”
And then I slept. And slept. And sweat. And writhed in pain. But then I got an IV drip. With morphine. And a nurse took my temperature. And then after a day of that I went home from the ER and slept in my guest room, which felt less like nursing a malady and more like a vacation on a cruise ship.
I made a plan B syllogism if I didn’t feel any better in 48 hours, then I would go back to the hospital. And I slept and sweat and worked shit out in my fever-state. I didn’t work on client work. My clients had the equivalent of an out-of-office-auto-reply I’m on a beach email in their inboxes. No, I was freed up to work on my lifework.
Friday I’m giving a talk for the TedX NYC community and the Tuesday after that I’m recording one of my stories for radio. And both of these things bring me so much joy and are the closest things to making me the human I am, and they are the two things that I have put off in favor of client work. Like a lot of client work. I have my hands on a lot of people’s very exciting dreams. But the cost is I’m no longer dreaming my own dreams unless I’m taken down by a kidney that of course, in Eastern medicine symbolizes “your life power” and the kidney and bladder are (of course) “ruled by fear“.
I just googled that. It just underscores my point. I move around so much. I flap my wings so fast to stand still. Which reminds me of this, from Henry Miller:
So, so what to do about that?
Minton Sparks, teacher, storyteller, performance artist and good friend says, “You’ve Got to Make Non-Ordinary Time”. I believe that. The things you make in non-ordinary time don’t live on your to-do list. It’s not to say that you can’t create habits to get creative work done. Of course you can. But we are luminous beings who live our lives at Kroger if we choose to.